The Pursuit of Passion is also the Pursuit of Youth

Read this quote today. It really resonates with me. I think I'll keep it for my own.

I didn't think I had a problem with getting old, but something has been missing from my life. That is passion. A at certain point, you lose direction in life for what drives you and keeps you really happy. Inside.

Maybe I am getting old. I've lost my passion for what I do for a living. For where I live. Money. For all the crap I've spent money on that is now worthless to me. For some reason in previous years, I thought I needed these "things". They surround me. Everywhere I look.

Kidney stones and a back injury have me locked away in prison in my own home for three weeks tomorrow. Maybe its only more painful because its been on the most beautiful February's for riding I can ever remember. Sunny days. Dry days. Crisp and cool, but without precipitation.

I waited too long before January for doing something about my fitness and health. What I fear most it that the opportunity to be in great shape (not just good shape) for the first racing event of the season is slipping away because of my failure manage my spare time and keep myself healthy.

The passion that I speak of, that keeps me young (cycling), has been banished from my weekly worship. Church for a middle-aged man, who is getting slower, larger, and more angry as time goes on. That may seem like 3 seconds in the total picture of one's life, but I've come to realize every second counts.

My only other passion, family, keeps me sane. But cycling. I want it back.

I will get my chance. And by then, I won't let go.

Like a great friend of mine once said...."Keep Hope Alive." - MR

Immobile

Well, since my last post i had surgery last thursday night to place a stent inside me to prevent accidental lodging of a 4 x 7.5mm stone in my kidney. Its large enough that i shouldnt be able to pass this on my own. They dont want to break up the stone for another 3 weeks due to lots of swelling and irritation...go figure. The penis was created for efficient means of exiting fluids, not a path by which medical tools can enter the body. Took the rest of the week off and went back to work monday. As of thursday i was feeling well enough to think about getting back on the bike. Just then I felt the first stages of my back suddenly going out. Came home from work yesterday because of the pain. I can barely walk. So its off to the med center today...maybe they can tell me if this kidney related or not since there was quite a bit of blood on my urine last night. It has since cleared, but the crippling back pain is still there. To anyone reading out there...if i EVER complain of how "painful" a bike ride is, please bring me back to my senses by reminding me of this weeks worth of time. Ive never experienced so much excruciating, uncomfortable, piercing pain.

Happy Global Warming Day Yesterday

Well, I got in a night bike ride last night...22 miles. Had to...it was a beautiful 50 degrees out and it was only 4 hours away from being February. Part of my route was on the rail trail and there were some parts that were still iced over from snowmobiles, so I found myself pedaling with my right leg and unclipping and tri-podding it with my left.

No time to post the results, seems I'm now into Day 2 of dealing with a kidney stone. Went to the hospital last night shortly after I ate after the ride. I peed blood and the pain started about 10 minutes after that. It came on strong and intense, it almost had me in tears. Turns out I actually have 3 of them in there...two tiny ones forming and the other is about 4mm. Of course 5mm is the limit to where they have to blast them apart, so they sent me home to pass them. Nothing happened all day today.

As I type this now, the pain is back again, despite taking the entire day off and being on meds that make me sleepy. Guess I will be out of commission for tomorrow too until this thing passes. Ugh, this sucks!